Day 187

People who feel insecure within themselves will try to tear you down – that’s what I learned today 😦

It’s 10: 58  PM on day 187 of my journey towards independence and I’ve managed to brush my teeth, make sandwiches for the people in our housekeeper’s neighborhood (if you have no idea what I am talking about refer to ‘Day 184’) – it was a relatively drama-free morning with the only snag being that there wasn’t enough foil paper but that too was not a problem without a solution we decided to stack the  sandwiches on top of each other – a HUGE thanks must go to mom who helped me every step of the way – I LOVE you mommy 🙂 – feed myself a bread and jam sandwich for breakfast while watching TV – food tastes better when you eat after you give to other people 🙂 – feed myself rice and curry for lunch  and  tweet about my Clean Water For All Campaign only stopping to feed myself Spring rolls for dinner – @sharoneden (Sharon) made a donation of $53.85  – thanks again Sharon 🙂  

Today as I sat at our dining table buttering the bread for the sandwiches my mom and I were making my dad came up behind me and said why don’t you do two  first and in that moment he made me feel so incompetent so I said if you’re not doing anything shut up and although I don’t regret saying it I do regret the way I said it because those words were unbecoming of me. Are your insecurities causing you to be mean?


4 responses to “Day 187

  1. Hi Nisha,
    Lovely to read your post and bravo you, making such a huge effort on becoming independent.
    I read you comment re your Dad with interest as I also had a very tricky relationship with my Dad growing up, and even when I was in my 40’s was still fighting with him. Long story but I felt betrayed by his actions when I was a little girl and never got over that.
    Then I went to see Dr John Demartini, he is a philosopher and a brilliant thinker. He said that if we hear everything that is said to us with love then we will never feel anger. (not those exact words, but that was the message). Our parents, with exceptions of course, usually say and do things out of love and if we can accept that rather than the words then much of what is said will not have any negative impact.
    I adore my daughter and love her dearly and yet even so I manage to sometimes say things that cause her pain and upset….and yet that would not have been my intention.
    I dont know your dad so can’t comment, but if on the whole your relationship is good and you are sure that he loves you, then just take his words as meaning perhaps that he was concerned you may be taking on too much and he was in his own way trying to protect you. I hope I am right.
    Much love honey, I applaud your achievements and your efforts. You have set yourself a mammoth task and I am quite sure you will triumph.
    Thinking of you from London

  2. Nisha:

    I love the self-honesty in this post. It is so important to examine our conscience. Even daily. But wow! You’re doing so many right things.

    Communication can be tricky. Until we make a habit out of listening for love and speaking with love, our spontaneous responses will often be inadequate.

    I find my own responses and engagements to often be inadequate to the situation, my conscience, and , worse, my heart. Everyone suffers me from time to time. A friend, a lover, a parent, my son, a colleague, etc. Thank God they all have the patience to put up with me. Most of the time. [laughing]

    And, yes, Nisha… when people speak directly to our fears, inadequacies, failures, we react with a response that is most often not spoken in love but in anger, in frustration, and in fear.

    Kind regards,
    Stan Faryna

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